Fitness & Health, Lifestyle, Motiveer

My Story

I realized, i never actually wrote a story about me and my Fit Journey, about how it all started and how i’m doing now. So.. here is a little story to find out more about me!

My name is Carmen and I am 19 years old. I live in The Netherlands in a small village in the middle of the country. I have two older sisters, Marlou (25) and Kirsten (22) and two sweet parents Roel (51) and Sandra (48). My oldest sister (Marlou) is married with Jack and my other sister has a boyfriend/fiancee Patrick. Ofcourse you know i have a boyfriend myself, Kjell. He is really a gift from heaven. For sure. I am planning on studying Sports&Welness in 2015.

I had a pretty hard journey with lots of ups and downs. Specially downs. When i was 13, my grandpa died. We didn’t expect this so we were totally devastated about the news. I really loved my grandpa, and i never had peace with his dead. I don’t know if i’ll ever have peace with his dead. I miss him so much. From that moment my life changed. I wasn’t happy anymore, i hated life so bad. I felt depressed and it got worse. I couldn’t live at home anymore because of my depression, so i had to live in some kind of psychiatric house. I needed therapy and stuff and had to stay there for three weeks. Afterwards i couldn’t go home, but i could live with my grandma! Two months later, my other grandpa died. He was sick, so we kind of expected this. I felt sad and alone at my grandma’s house, so i got permission to go back home.

I lived at home for 1 a couple of months.. then everything escalated. My depression got worse and i became suicidal. I cut myself, took pills and went to the train station several times. My parents couldn’t handle me, so i had to live in another psychiatric house, not for three weeks this time, but for 1,5 years! It was really hard, but it helped. I felt better and after that 1,5 years i was happy again but still, the depression wasn’t over. I felt fat, wanted to loose weight. On this picture my weight is 65 kg. 
I came back home in June 2012. That’s when I started to loose weight just by eating healthy. I didn’t work out, but took some long walks every day. After six months I wasn’t 65 kg anymore, but 55! I was pretty happy with the way I looked then, so I quit my diet. My lifestyle wasn’t as clean as it is now. I ate a lot of chocolate, which I still love, and candy. Luckily I didn’t gain weight! In January 2013 I wanted to loose more weight, so i begun a new diet. This was the worst thing I ever did. I ate -1000 calories a day and became skinny very fast. Sounds good, being skinny, but not like this. I was so tired every day and didn’t enjoy life anymore. I lost more weight and one day I was 48 kg. Way too less. I was almost diagnosed anorexia.

Here is a picture from my not-healthy-skinny-look:
My skin had this weird yellow color, and wasn’t healthy anymore.

I realized that i needed to change this. I wanted to feel good and happy again. So in June 2013 I started to work out and eat more. I gained weight, but only muscles. My lifestyle wasn’t really clean. I still ate a lot of chocolate and candy. But i did my workouts, so i didn’t gain body fat. I got out of my depression and felt a lot better! In January 2014 I started my new workout program and a new lifestyle. Only clean eating and more workouts! I see so much progress and I really love to see that. I feel happy and good about myself. I have set goals and I’m pushing my limits. I just love it.
                   2012 – 2013 – 2014

Right now, we are in June 2014. I made a lot of progress and i really think i am doing gooood. I had a bit of a rough time, because i didn’t ate good. Well, yes i ate clean, but not enough. I started a food schedule made by Ashley from Since i started using it, i feel more energized and i can do so much more. I work hard at the gym, and i am starting to gain again. My bodyfat is getting lower, and my abs are slowly starting to get visable. I’m really happy with this progress. I even started running, which i really love now! In the summer i work out different then i do in the winter. Now i started running, and got addicted, i like to run a bit more then lifting. I still lift, but not 5 times a week anymore. Only 3-4 times a week and i run 2-3 times a week, depends on my week schedule. I am focusing on lowering my body fat for the summer, so running helps a lot!

As you can see, I had a pretty big transformation. But i think the biggest transformation isn’t visable, but in my head. I feel amazing and I enjoy life. I love my family, friends and specially my life. Most of all, i love Kjell, my boyfriend. He helps me with everything, we’re the same, we’re one and I love him so so much.

Thank you so much for reading.

Much Love, 



7 gedachten over “My Story”

  1. Echt respect Carmen! Ik volg je instagram (en blog) al weer eventjes, maar had niet verwacht dat er zo’n verhaal achter zat. Knap dat je er zo open over durft te zijn.
    Keep up the good work!

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